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Print Story I Pimp Myself, I Want You To Pimp Me
Music
By MohammedNiyalSayeed (Sat Jan 12, 2008 at 09:53:39 PM EST) (all tags)

The musical productivity of my last two glorious years above ground are now available for digital purchase and download. Herein find details.

Update [2008-1-12 22:22:24 by MohammedNiyalSayeed]: Fascinating Marketing Shit now contained inside.


Place the First, iTunes Music Store. They are available in iTunes Plus format, so even those of you that truly hate Baby Jesus, Puppies, Apple Pie, and America can buy it and play it, free of the sugary goodness of digital rights management systems.

For those of you who hate all of the above, and, more importantly, hate me and the side of the bread upon which my sandwich is buttered, you may also buy the album from that other place.

Thirty fucking songs for 9.99. I don't know what it costs at Amazon, but it's probably less. Whatever. I still get all the money. Almost. Of which there will be little to none, I'm sure. But still. And actually, this time around, Mister Queue gets some of the money, as do my friends Sean, Rick, and Mike, seeing as how they all contributed to the damned thing.

Just think, by buying the whole thing, you're saving, like, twenty bucks by buying a double album for the price of a normal album! You'd have to be insane to pass up a deal like that. Oh, if only I had the benefit of a decade of major label promotion behind me, then I could posture about how awesome I am for selling my music myself. It was, however, my only choice.

I think I may even buy a facebook ad, so that all my coworkers who never ask shit about my music can ignore the fact that I have a creative outlet online, just like they do in real life. Symmetry, bitches. Symmetry.

In other news,

I left the house today, briefly, to try and buy some shit from Guitar Center, seeing as how they're having this big-assed sale, and shit. I stood around for probably 10 minutes without being helped by any one of the bored sales staff, then walked out, called a cab home, and ordered all the shit I wanted from Guitar Center's website. I have 2206.42 less now, but in a few days, I'll be receiving the following:

  • Crown Sound Grabber II PZM Condenser Microphones - Pair (#278420)
  • M-Audio Studiophile AV40 Powered Reference Speaker System (#600092)
  • M-Audio ProjectMix I/O (#702521)
  • M-Audio Axiom 49 49-Key USB MIDI Controller (#706314)
  • On-Stage Stands Tripod Mic Stand with Boom - Buy One Get One Free (#453710)
  • RockStand by Warwick 5-Guitar Folding Stand (#455001)

I'm having second thoughts about buying a car. Seems a little foolish to spend 17k on a tiny little Smart fortwo Passion Cabriolet when I don't plan on needing it much past the end of 2008. Then again, it feels like I'm shitting money, and what else would I spend it on, anyway?

Choices, motherfuckers. Choices.

Now, since my head hurts, I suppose I should eat again. You know, it seems like I ate just yesterday; can it really be fucking food time again? Oh, the humanity.

In other, other news,

Half the people at work are pushing me at a freshly-broken-up cute girl downstairs. The other half are trying to get me to eat more. I have no interest in either, any more.

Update [2008-1-12 22:22:24 by MohammedNiyalSayeed]: I just bought a highly-targeted facebook ad for the Japanese distribution of the album via iTunes Music Store; my ad will only be visible to some 6000 female Japanese girls who list 'music' as an interest. If this doesn't make me a cult hero in that weird-ass place, I may have to kick my game up a notch.

Suitably Japanese, I feel.

< A Rare and Wondrous Entry! | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >

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I Pimp Myself, I Want You To Pimp Me | 57 comments (57 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Dude, girls are soft and smell good. by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #1 Sat Jan 12, 2008 at 09:59:29 PM EST
Jump back in the game!

Irony: ammo says it's time. Tom is blocked.


Nie wieder, Herr Mmoniacal! Nie wieder! by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 3) #2 Sat Jan 12, 2008 at 10:03:41 PM EST

I've learned my lesson from all of my previous relationships: shit doesn't work out, so wasting your time repeating the same mistakes over and over again is wasteful of resources that can be better spent sitting around, not doing anything.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Hey by dmg (4.00 / 2) #4 Sat Jan 12, 2008 at 10:54:41 PM EST
At least you have learned your lesson some of us are still at the 'insane' stage...

You should check out the Ataris. They know the score.
--
Hard work is morally wrong.
[ Parent ]

It took a while by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #6 Sat Jan 12, 2008 at 10:59:37 PM EST

but I'm living proof that psychology is a [squirrel-based] lie.

In the Small World category, the Ataris hail from very close to my own formative-years' home. Now they live out here. Strangely, they never call or come over for tea. Where is the love?


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

I've just go to say by gzt (4.00 / 2) #11 Sat Jan 12, 2008 at 11:26:46 PM EST
I'm impressed by that link. The answer contradicts itself in the third friggin' sentence. "You don't have to disconnect from squirrels. It's just that you can't befriend or associate with squirrels and receive services from the church of Scientology." So if you want to receive services, you cannot, um, be connected with such people.

[ Parent ]

Were it not for a fortuitous moment a few days ago by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #10 Sat Jan 12, 2008 at 11:24:10 PM EST
I would be Monk-Lifing it right alongside you RIGHT NOW, yo.

Irony: ammo says it's time. Tom is blocked.
[ Parent ]

This makes me wonder two things by garlic (4.00 / 1) #3 Sat Jan 12, 2008 at 10:53:02 PM EST
what sort of censoring do they have on these ads, and how much do they cost?



The answers are: by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #5 Sat Jan 12, 2008 at 10:55:10 PM EST

1) I'm not sure, and 2) you can set your own budget as to what you're willing to pay per day, when the ads run, and the frequency, via selecting a "bid" for payment on clickthroughs which seems to vary with audience size.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

What? by Christopher Robin was Murdered (4.00 / 1) #7 Sat Jan 12, 2008 at 11:01:24 PM EST
No cover of the Ohio Players' "Fopp" as a bonus track?



Covers are a bitch to get cleared by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #8 Sat Jan 12, 2008 at 11:03:27 PM EST

So covers tend to not get released.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Buy? Music? by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #9 Sat Jan 12, 2008 at 11:10:52 PM EST
Where's the torrent?
----
ウセーバラケダ


Word! (n/t) by CountSpatula (4.00 / 1) #12 Sat Jan 12, 2008 at 11:29:12 PM EST


--
Organics.
"I've never been more afraid of a diary comment EVAR." - RapidHamster
[ Parent ]

What's a torrent? by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #14 Sun Jan 13, 2008 at 12:14:57 AM EST

Is that some sort of Windows thing?


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Nah by joh3n (4.00 / 1) #17 Sun Jan 13, 2008 at 03:21:18 AM EST
It's a DRM scheme.  Don't you read boingboing?  torrents are a way for Sony and EMI to turn your computer against you!

----
I just ate about 7 pounds of meat
-theantix
[ Parent ]

What on earth is a boingboing? by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #18 Sun Jan 13, 2008 at 03:33:59 AM EST

Kids and their crazy drug terminology these days...


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

a boingboing by joh3n (4.00 / 2) #19 Sun Jan 13, 2008 at 04:07:23 AM EST
is a self-replicating virus strain of the 'xeni' compound, which is just too nasty to talk about.

----
I just ate about 7 pounds of meat
-theantix
[ Parent ]

Targetting Japanese Schoolgirls with Technology: by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #13 Sat Jan 12, 2008 at 11:30:20 PM EST
You, sir, are a fucking genius.

Irony: ammo says it's time. Tom is blocked.


Your post subject by 606 (2.00 / 0) #55 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 07:51:59 PM EST
sounds like it should be the byline for a perverted anime movie.

-----
imagine dancing banana here
[ Parent ]

Ya know, by blixco (4.00 / 2) #15 Sun Jan 13, 2008 at 01:40:53 AM EST
I've never understood the...the gall that people have on foisting single people at other single people.

Unless the single people in question signal their intent to begin the mating rituals common to their caste, it seems downright fucking rude to get all up in the business of the single in question and suggest, hey, loser, you need a date.

MNS, you need a date like I need another hole in my head.

Now go get a goddamn sandwich.  Your metabolism is no good to us if it's not working.
---------------------------------
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin


So far, they're offering opinions by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 2) #16 Sun Jan 13, 2008 at 02:40:42 AM EST

Hopefully, my warnings about not fucking with my personal life or lack thereof have been taken as seriously as I have presented them. We'll see.

But yeah, I'd need another hole in my head before I would consider going on a date.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

You don't sound like you need a date. by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #31 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 08:57:11 AM EST
You do, however, sound like you could use a twelve hour blowjob. Sure, it may chafe a little, but drastic measures and all that.

[ Parent ]

I have trouble with people patting my back by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #33 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 10:04:27 AM EST

Contact that lasts over a couple seconds, simply not possible.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Right, when I hire the hooker. . . by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #36 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 10:38:18 AM EST
I'll tell her to bring the restraints.

[ Parent ]

Indeed. The dialog should always go like this: by greyrat (4.00 / 2) #20 Sun Jan 13, 2008 at 10:30:07 AM EST
"Hey, $female_acquaintance, you're really in need of a hot fuck with no commitments, aren't you? Here, let me introduce you to $male_acquaintance, who's in the same situation. Oh, and here. Here's $500 bucks for a nice room in a classy hotel, and $200 for drugs and/or booze and/or toys. Have a good time!"

That's what a good friend would say.
~
There is absolutely no correlation or causation amongst intelligence, power, talent and wealth.
Kha-Nyou
[ Parent ]

Does this mean I have to give back by greyrat (4.00 / 1) #21 Sun Jan 13, 2008 at 10:34:54 AM EST
the almost 10GB of recordings of yours that I have? I was waiting for you to die a bizarre and horrible artists death so that I could put together an anthology and profithoping to remain as a backup location.
~
There is absolutely no correlation or causation amongst intelligence, power, talent and wealth.
Kha-Nyou


You can keep all that stuff by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #26 Sun Jan 13, 2008 at 01:33:44 PM EST

I should still be dead in a horrible and bizarre "accident" by year-end. I can't imagine it'll be worth anything, though.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Is this a new cute girl downstairs? by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #22 Sun Jan 13, 2008 at 12:24:00 PM EST
and I'm undecided about Battles, I'm checking them out on yuotube.




It's the same cute girl downstairs by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #25 Sun Jan 13, 2008 at 01:32:56 PM EST

The only thing new is her breakup. Also, BATTLES 4EVA!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

I thought you had a thing with her by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #27 Sun Jan 13, 2008 at 05:45:13 PM EST
or was that just a hallucination?


[ Parent ]

I almost did by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #28 Sun Jan 13, 2008 at 07:03:28 PM EST

but the timing wasn't perfect, meaning she hadn't made a clean break, which meant that I did nothing. Now I'm supposed to be excited because the break is made, so the timing is better, but time has elapsed, I've changed my mind, and decided to stay in terminal retreat mode.

Them's the breaks.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

I only have a few regrets about my single time by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #29 Sun Jan 13, 2008 at 08:03:32 PM EST
missing out on some sweet loving is one of them, to hell with that not trying to spoil friendship or fear of rejection crap.


[ Parent ]

Though I hear what you're saying by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #35 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 10:07:49 AM EST

I really don't expect to be around long enough to regret much of anything. The real problem, though, is the lack of motivation to alter this situation. Future-regret or none, there's not much that can be done about that.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

You're going for the slacker seduction? by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #38 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 10:58:13 AM EST
being so blah she's just going to try and cut through your ennui?


[ Parent ]

No seduction involved by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #39 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 11:21:21 AM EST

My life is not going to change, as I am determined through lethargy to make sure it does not change.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

I tried that once. by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #40 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 12:14:57 PM EST
Come to find out lethargy can't prevent change. It can only slow it down.

Good luck on your attempt though.

[ Parent ]

Lethargy has resulted in the loss by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #41 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 01:32:54 PM EST

of 35 lbs in the past two months, and the purchase of another handgun, for what its worth.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

You lost weight? by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #42 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 01:45:59 PM EST
That's change right there. And who doesn't like collectibles?

[ Parent ]

It's not positive change by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #43 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 01:51:34 PM EST

It's a natural progression towards a natural end. Starting up anything at this point in life is absurd; I'm concentrating on making sure all my doors are closed, locked, and secured, and preparing myself.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Who says change has to be positive? by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #44 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 02:04:48 PM EST
Change is change. Not positive, not negative. And the fact that you're ruling it negative says that you still give a shit, which you seem to be trying to convince everyone you don't.

So, not to be combative or anything, but change, something, er, ah, fat ladies singing, and something else, porn, three ring circuses, some way or another, and tattoo parlors.

What was my point again? Oh yeah, seXX0rz, you needs it. And sometimes we all have to do things we don't want to do.

[ Parent ]

What I'm saying is, need it or not, by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #45 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 03:20:52 PM EST

it's not fucking likely to happen with me sitting at home doing nothing about it, and that seems to be what I do these days, so sex is not an option.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Been there, done that. by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #46 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 03:29:19 PM EST
Like I said, it slows it down, but doesn't stop it. Sooner or later some little ball of fluff will come along and *BAM*. I basically busted my balls twenty-four hours a day on a farm for two and a half years doing everything I could to avoid human contact and got waylaid with it. If you leave your place even for food and work, you've got more opportunities for entanglement than I did.

Besides, you need to at least stick around for about two more years so you can hear my Death/Industrial metal opera about the Cambrian extinction - tentatively titled "I Studied, You Died."

[ Parent ]

wait a minute... by garlic (4.00 / 1) #48 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 04:00:41 PM EST
you don't happen to work for a cabinet factory, do you?

[ Parent ]

The Funhouse? by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #49 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 04:06:04 PM EST
I suppose you could call it that, on the surface. Though I like to think we're more a producer of stupidity and corporate rhetoric than anything else.

[ Parent ]

going back by garlic (4.00 / 1) #50 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 04:12:00 PM EST
I realize this was clear to everyone else from the getgo, I just missed it. carry on.

[ Parent ]

We shall see, We shall see by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #51 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 04:54:42 PM EST

OCD protects me from random conversations with strangers (and/or friends) in the outside world, misanthropy stands as a secondary barrier. The fortress mindset, of course, is the clincher, as I can have everything I need delivered to me with not much more than a cursory delivery fee, and, besides, I don't really need food at home, just electricity and water. And cable.

Rather than me sticking around for two grueling years, you could always finish your Death/Industrial Metal opera by June... That might work better with my schedule, just sayin...


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

My opera can't be sped up. by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #52 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 05:02:23 PM EST
As there's several other things to be finished first. Not the least of which is dragging all that useless crap out of the musical basement of my head and getting it out in the great beyond already. And actually finishing learning how to properly use Logic, as opposed to randomly pushing buttons to see what happens.

But, you know, I'll see what I can do to accommodate you.

It does seem you have this pretty well planned out. But life, even a life of solitude and attempted fortrescide, has a way of fucking up the best laid plans.

[ Parent ]

awesome. by garlic (4.00 / 1) #47 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 03:59:05 PM EST


[ Parent ]

what else would you spend it on? by LilFlightTest (4.00 / 2) #23 Sun Jan 13, 2008 at 12:40:51 PM EST
buy me a house.
---------
if de-virgination results in me being able to birth hammerhead sharks, SIGN ME UP!!! --misslake


Utter crazy talk, I say by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #24 Sun Jan 13, 2008 at 01:32:21 PM EST

Me? Buy anything for anybody other than me? Hilarious!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

You should buy a super premium HuSi membership. by hulver (4.00 / 1) #30 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 07:55:03 AM EST
Very expensive, and totally unique. Nobody else has one.
--
smart, pretty, sane. pick two - georgeha
[ Parent ]

Careful... by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #53 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 07:35:41 PM EST
He'll demand droit de seigneur.

Irony: ammo says it's time. Tom is blocked.
[ Parent ]

MUZAK! by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #32 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 08:59:55 AM EST
I'm sending a link to myself on my iTunes machine to download your shiznits, just cause. Is that wonderful song you did of that weird office girl with hardcore Republocrat leanings that someone else used to talk about chanting on there? Cause that rocks my world ever time I listen to it.



That song isn't on there by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #34 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 10:05:26 AM EST

In fact, all of the songs on there haven't been released here for free at all, so these are new-to-HuSi bits, with a couple of exceptions on the listener end.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

That song should be everywhere. by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #37 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 10:43:30 AM EST
And should be a number one smash hit.

Though, I suppose it has more impact knowing the original inspiration.

[ Parent ]

Thank you sir by 606 (4.00 / 1) #54 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 07:50:50 PM EST
I look forward to exchanging my money for these informational bits when I get home tonight!

-----
imagine dancing banana here


<3 by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #56 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 07:56:14 PM EST
\m/
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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

<3!!!!! by 606 (4.00 / 1) #57 Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 09:09:22 PM EST
You turned up your vocals! You turned up your vocals!!

<3 4 ever, man.

-----
imagine dancing banana here
[ Parent ]

I Pimp Myself, I Want You To Pimp Me | 57 comments (57 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback

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