Latitude: 37°20'25.80"N, Longitude: 121°53'38.33"W

Downstairs, there are two full bathrooms which are both mine, all mine. One has a more kickass shower, the other has more space. I intend to alternate which one I make poops in, to keep things fresh. Also, because I like patterns, and Left Right Left Right Left Right Left Right is a most awesome pattern. Anyway, here's the southern-most place in which I shall drop the kids off at the pool:

Here's the motherfuckin' living room, y'all. See those blinds? There's a remote control for those things. No longer will I manually open and close my blinds like some sort of simpleton. I'm fancy now.

Here's another shot of the living room, looking out from the internal window of the upstairs bedroom. It also has shutters that can be closed, so that my roommate upstairs won't have to listen to me fragging each and every thing that moves in GRAW2 as I hone my tactical killin' dudes skills.

And here's a picture of that window, standing a bit back in the upstairs bedroom:

Now let's get down to the nitty gritty, shall we? My rockin' new fridge, which came pre-stocked with beer and wine! The owner of the place runs a couple of upscale wine and cheese stores in Northern Cullifornia. Which is perfect, since I like both cheese and wine.

Here's the motherfuckin' gas stove, upon which I shall boil thousands of hotdogs:

Here's a shot of the whole kitchen from the dining room. The living room is due right, or East, depending on the frame of reference.

Here is what I will see when I step outside to smoke cigarettes:

Here is the FUCKING HUGE bathtub. I will be able to fit at least 3 hookers in there, I'm sure of it.

Each room has cat-5, cable, and B&O ports. Fuck yeah. And there's a server closet. A FUCKING SERVER CLOSET. IN THE APARTMENT.

And this is what I will wear for the first week I move in, so as to rapidly establish myself as Lord Magistrate of Saint James Park. The nametapes have been pixelated (and to the exact size of the ATD pixelation, because I'm just that awesome) to protect me from stalkers.

Best of all, literally across the street from the place is Trials Pub, a nice, small place with decent beer selection, and neighborhood regulars. But wait; it gets better. Next door to Trials Pub? FRIGGIN TESKE'S GERMANIA RESTAURANT AND BEER GARDEN! And back on my side of the street, next door to my building, Workingman's Emporium, which carries exactly the kind of clothes I wear on a day to day basis. Dudes, seriously, could this be any more perfect a place?

Well, technically, yes; there could be an IDF women's dorm next door, and home delivery of affordable herb. That'd be more perfect. While I don't hold much hope for the IDF women's dorm, the latter seems pretty likely, since the courthouse is nearby. I LOVE MY NEW APARTMENT!

And, completely off-topic, I think I found two new best friends today; Andrew Keen (this looks fucking right up my alley), and Loren Feldman. Tim O'Reilly is a douchebag. He should go back to shutting the fuck up and letting his authors print their tech books. The world needs another amateur sociologist like I need to fuck a goat in the ass.

Alrighty, then. Time to play GRAW2 until my eyelids turn to Pb, y'all.